Parenting Styles & Attachment

As humans, we are born with a desire to be connected. John Bowlby studied the attachment that we create as children with our caregivers and he is the primary source for a lot of information in the child development world about attachment theory.

Mary Ainsworth was also very influential in the realm of attachment styles as she further studied and classified attachment styles.

This video is a super good summary of what each of the attachment styles looks like! I like that this video also shows how it may affect children as they grow up.

Attachment Styles

A child who is securely attached feels like they have a sort of safe base that they can always return to. They will grow up to have greater trust, better connections with people, and will overall be more successful than their insecurely attached peers.

Insecure attachment can be broken up into 3 categories:

• Anxious ambivalent
• Anxious avoidant
• Anxious disorganized

Children who are anxious ambivalent tend to have caregivers who they have to fight for attention from. These children will most likely be described as unpredictable and moody.

Children who are anxious avoidant were probably loved by their caregivers however their caregivers were also very strict and may choose to use physical punishment. Children will most likely learn to avoid expressing emotion because that is what brings out the strictness in their caregiver. These children have a very negative self image.

Children who are anxious disorganized were likely neglected and abused as children. This can often happen with children who are placed in daycares with untrained or overwhelmed employees. These children confuse ideas of love and safety because they are not connected to their caregivers. These children often experience fear without a loving resolution to those emotions. These children will grow up to feel unworthy of love and have a negative self image.

Attachemtn styles can be seen in children as young as 1! Children who have insecure attachment styles often have mistrust, lack of social skills, and struggle to form relationships even into adulthood.

Parenting Styles

According to Amy Morin from Very Well Family, "Your parenting style can affect everything from how much your child weighs to how she feels about herself. It's important to ensure your parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your child and how you discipline her will influence her for the rest of her life."

Parenting styles affect a child throughout their entire life. Diana Baumrind established the idea that there are 3 main parenting styles:

• Authoritarian
• Authoritative
• Permissive

Authoritarian parenting is often known as the "drill sergeant". They are typically highly demanding of their children and are quite strict. There is usually little warmth and lots of discipline in these families. Children with this kind of parenting may be withdrawn and have difficulty setting their own boundaries and making decisions because they have been so controlled throughout their life. In a video we watched for my parenting class they compared this type of parenting to a jawbreaker. Jawbreakers are rigid and unbreakable which represents the strict rules and little negotiation found in authoritarian houses.

Authoritative parenting is kind of in-between authoritarian and permissive parenting. Authoritative parenting is widely accepted as the "best" method for parents to follow. There is a high amount of warmth alongside high expectations for their children. Parents are motivated to guide their children and are willing to negotiate appropriately. Children raised with authoritative parents will most likely have good social skills, be self-reliant, and confident. Authoritative parenting can be compared to a tennis ball. A tennis ball is firm but has lots of give which represents their willingness to negotiate. The video we watched also compared the fuzziness of a tennis ball to the warmth children in this house would feel.

Permissive parenting may look like a parent who wants to be best friends with their children. In these households there is high warmth, low demand, and low correction. Parents often give in to arguments from their children and children often learn to manipulate their parents. Permissive parenting can be compared to a marshmallow because of the sweetness, softness, and little structure found there.

The uninvolved/neglectful parenting style was later added by other researchers. These types of parents are cold and unresponsive to their children's needs. These houses have few rules and parents don't devote much time or energy to their children's lives. They sometimes lack understanding of the developmental needs of their children.

How do you feel like you were parented? How has that affected you? What aspects of those experiences have you brought into your own parenting styles?

Sources:

Morin, A. (2019, July 12). 4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids. Retrieved October               23, 2020, from https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045

Sprouts. (2018, May 30). The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life [Video].                                     Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjOowWxOXCg&t=373s